You are really important DAD!

Fatherlessness is changing the shape of our society! It is devastating to see the negative impact absent fathers have on both individuals and society.  Studies has shown the affects of emotionally unavailable fathers were almost identical to those where the father was physically absent.

I get the chills every time I coach teenagers to find they just don't care. They are heading nowhere. They don't have a Life Plan. In most cases teenagers raised in a father absent environment demonstrates signs of depression and anxiety. Scary to say the least. They don't feel or have the need to socialize and therefore they escape and find what they need on their phones. I believe absent fathers contribute to this fact.

I might be wrong about the next assumption, but I get the feeling that there is a substantial increase of substance abuse. I make this assumption based on the conversations I have with parents and teachers and believe the problem is bigger than we think it is.  With the increase of absent fathers the pressure on teachers to help save our society are on a tipping point of disaster.

It is important to over-estimate the importance of a dad.

Fathers are massively important in helping our children have good self-esteem and a sense of well-being. Involved and supportive fathers also help develop value driven children who have a strong inner core resource with good social skills and an authentic approach to life.

We need ROLE MODEL DADS!!!

We learn best from modeling behaviour.  The interaction with young children has an positive effect on how they feel about themselves and how they develop. Children are vulnerable to a father's modeling behaviour and build their character around what they see and experience in their early developing stages.

Having that said, IT IS NEVER TO LATE TO START BEING A ROLE MODEL DAD.

The future is in your hands Dad. You can ground your children for substance abuse or being on their phones every second they get. That's not the problem and therefor the focus should be elsewhere.

How do you get control back, be proud of your child and feel fulfilled of the contribution you've made to bringing up a successful child with a LIFE PLAN.

Here's some tips:
1. Have a positive attitude towards your roles
2. Listen and ask question to understand
3. Respect your child's point of view and focus on the positives
4. Set some family goals - all input equal
5. Admit your mistakes
6. Use your problem-solving skills - Have patience
7. Eat together as a family
8. Play with you children
9. Say "No"when needed
10. Walk the talk - Earn the right to be heard

and remember.......LOVE CONQUERS ALL! Soon you will see your child's phone just lying around and they seeking eye contact with you. Best of luck. You can do this.

Contact me if you find the above tips challenging. I can help you get unstuck.

Best wishes
Emile Neethling

You've got this!

What is the one power you have right now, in this moment that can change everything? We all have it... The single individual power that can change anything regardless of what has happened to us in the past. The answer: THE POWER OF CHOICE!

We can't control what is happening around us, but we can choose what to focus on. We can choose what things mean and we can choose how to react to them. Sometimes a little decision changes your whole life. Like you decide to go to a certain school where you came across this teacher who inspired you to become what you are today. Sjo, the power a teacher has. If they all just knew.

Every single person that went through school has a story to tell about a teacher. Some good and sadly some bad. They impacted you, but you made the decision. We are all busy writing our story of life and the decisions we make every day has a massive impact on where we are and where we're heading. A SMALL DECISION MIGHT HAVE A BIG INFLUENCE.

Believes you have in life all come from little decisions. What you decide to eat or how often you go to the gym. How much time you spend at work and what you do when you get back home.

DECISIONS = DESTINY.

So, if you want a new life, a new experience you got to make new choices. If you don't like the road you're on, change it. Easier said than done Emile, you are probably thinking. Where do I start?

Start by changing you! The way you think. The way you see the world. The way you see yourself. You are strong. You are a leader. You are brave. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I'VE GOT THIS (and smile!). Ask yourself a powerful question such as "What do I need to change? What can I do today? If you struggle to ask yourself the questions that will get you up and running, pick up the phone and call a Life Coach. They will support and encourage you to grow and motivate you on the journey to your destination. 

I conclude. Whatever you focus on you are going to feel. If you focus on the mountain that is staring you right in the face, you are going to look for reasons to quit or just settle. If you on the other hand focus on the challenge and are looking for ways over and feeling what it would feel like accomplishing this challenge, you will look for ways up and over. And if you feel stuck, call a Life Coach.

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Intentional Living

Fire doesn't come quickly. The process requires patience and needs your full attention. If done incorrectly it can hurt. If done correctly the outcomes are rewarding. Each element is placed intentional. With all the elements in place it's time to start the fire.

In our "hurry up or stay behind" world there is a good chance you hit the ground running every morning with the only intent on just not wanting to fall behind. Are you neglecting yourself? Are you fighting to keep your head above water? Are you suffocating your inner screaming voice so that no one may think you're not tough or fit for life?

How can you find that peaceful and happy life everyone is talking about? Believe me if I say, the people around you may seem that they don't have that screaming voices, but with a smile I can guarantee you, we all have them. Some of us just hide them very well.

Let's take that fire apart and put it back again.

Your life is a process and needs your full attention. You can't have that perfect life without living with intent. You need to be patient and understand that it takes time to build yourself. And don't forget about the challenges that's handed to you on a daily basis. They are there for a specific reason. God are handing them to us so that we may learn from them to develop into the person He wants us to be. So when we reach that place of living with intent, He uses us to do the nice stuff by uplifting and helping people and get the reward for that. You then decide to take the credit on board or let the light shine on Him.

Place all the elements that you are and what you have learned in life intentionally. In other words, play to your strengths. Stay focused on your strengths and keep developing them. They are your ultimate companions who can determine where you are going. The flip side of the coin is that if you (and sometimes your friends) focus on you weaknesses you are going to burn yourself. With the focus on your strengths you'll have a macro view of yourself and your destiny.

Final words
Think about your intentions at the start of every day. Fill your own calendar. Say No with confidence.
Take action with passion. Growth is not an automatic process. You don’t automatically get better. Go and get it. Or should I say "GO AND GIVE IT" It’s not for you to accept your life. It’s for you to take charge of your life.
Tell a friend for the support and accountability. Make sure this person understands your dream from the inside out.
Reflect at the end of each day to keep book on all the lessons learnt. See and reflect on things as they are and not as the world wants you to perceive them.

AND FINALLY...

"There are two great days in a person’s life. The day they are born and the day they discover why"

Best wishes

Developing one of your greatest assets

ATTITUDE can be one of your greatest assets.  Ultimately, your attitude is a choice.  Neither negative people nor negative circumstances can control your attitude.  It’s ultimately up to you to choose the attitude that you have.

Having a negative attitude keeps us from being happy and impacts the people we interact with. We all know that we are social animals and need relationships to survive. The flip side of the coin is that if we have a positive attitude, we will attract people and I believe it has a direct connection with happiness and success.

So, if you are negative from the word go, how can you change your
attitude? How can you not see the big mountain staring you right in the face? From the nature of my calling as a Life- & Leadership Coach I would start by simply showing a picture of a big mountain and start asking questions like: What do you see? What is the situation? What is significant about this situation? What's the best route over the mountain? Are there any other alternative routes? Overcoming the challenge, what do you see, feel, and who's there with you?

Asking about the feelings is so important, because that will help you remember which path to take should the challenge are handed to you again. Or simply help you to stay focused on the destination. As we are emotional beings it's vital that we check in to our emotional boxes more often to be aware of the feelings we are having and then manage them to the best of our ability. Managing your feelings in short means that you don't hide them for they are on board. That's who you are. So, be aware of them and again ask questions like: What is this? Why am I feeling this? How can I use this feeling to my advantage? And a smile will emerge, because you've learned something about yourself.

Answer these questions to maintain your positive attitude daily:
1. What's your purpose today?
2. What can I learn from all the people I meet today?
3. How will I overcome challenges today?
4. What would I feel like if I am to be successful today?
5. What skills can I improve today?
6. How can I say "thank you" for all my blessings today?

Our attitude plays a big part in our everyday lives and can affect how our life may turn out in the future. Have a good attitude and you’ll be the kind of person who works hard, is a believer in the fact that life is for living, and you will live the kind of life many would aspire to.

Attitude comes down to choice. You choose whether to have a good or a bad attitude.

Make the right choices today by asking purposeful questions.

Have a blessed day!

Think twice before you speak

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

I sometimes say to my daughters that if they don’t have anything good to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all.

It happened to us all. That one time you just said something before thinking about it and it left you with blushed cheeks. It’s out there. You can’t ever take it back. No matter what you say next, the damage is done.

I recently had the privilege to coach a couple of head boys and –head girls from my local community. The one thing they all had in common doing the Life Purpose Exercise is that they all want to have a positive influence. They want to change lives. They want to leave a legacy behind.

Interesting enough, the young influencers clearly saw the need for influential leadership. The one boy made me think when he said: Sir, they will remember me not for what I did, but for how I made them feel. Wow!!  An old saying, but still very powerful.

So it is really important to think before you speak, especially if you want to have a positive influence. Remember: Thinking is speaking to ourselves, and speaking is thinking to others.

In a conversation people are emotionally engaged with all their life experiences. When somebody else is speaking, listen. Listen with everything you’ve got. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying - feel what they are saying - think about it, and respond if necessary.

Think what you are going to say and choose the best body language to accompany those words. Words only come to their full potential when the body language accompanying them gives the feeling of authenticity.

How can you speak more thoughtfully?

1. Talk slowly. We cannot talk and think simultaneously. To think, you must physically stop talking! So when we are in talk mode, especially fast talk mode, we are in a zone of no thinking. To wake the thinking brain, we must stop talking. Great thinkers know this, and will use lines like, "Let me think about that for a moment."

2. Be a thoughtful person. We react with who we are. If you are a more thoughtful individual, what you say instinctively will reflect that. If you wish to speak more thoughtfully, become a more thoughtful person. Just become smarter. SMART people talk less, but when they talk everyone listens.

The first step to leaving a legacy behind is to speak from the heart. Be genuine in the choosing of your words. Let your body language fully support your words. Give yourself time to think. Your words WILL have an influence. Choose them to perfection.

Good luck!

Life is hard, BUT...

When I was a boy we use to play in the park. You all know what a merry-go-round is.

My friends and I particularly like this piece of equipment. So how it works - Some of my mates were pushing the merry-go-round and some were on it holding on for dear life.

The faster it went the more people were flying all over the place and the person holding on the longest had bragging rights till we meet again. It was difficult holding on but great when you find yourself the victor.

Like life, we find ourselves in a community where we sometimes struggle to hold on facing the challenges. So how can life be hard and great at the same time?

Everybody wants to be happy in life. Everybody wishes for a good life. There are different levels and meanings to what a good life is. But whatever your definition of it, there is perhaps one thing that you may have in common with other people. You might want that good life without having to struggle. Nobody likes to struggle through life.

I recently came across an old book titled “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck.

Peck says: “Once we know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult.” Life is hard.  - Accept that! Once you do, you will feel better about your circumstances. Then you won’t think of your situation as anything but what is common to every human being. 

There is always two sides to a coin. On the one side of the coin is where you have the words “life is tough”, but if you turn that coin over you will find the words: “You can make it better” You have the power and the ability to think differently about your challenges. You have the power and the ability to decide what they mean and how they are going to influence you. 

You have the final say to your life and how great it is or will become. You decide what the meaning and purpose of your life is. 

What will you live for?

Will you serve yourself or others?

Will you put all of your energy into trying to get all the material things life has to offer?

Or will you work toward significance?

Will you try to make a difference by helping others?

I can assure you that when you give something about yourself and help develop the human race you WILL feel fulfilled. And what an amazing feeling you will get. Energy will follow shortly and suddenly you will find yourself wanting to do even more. 

Take control over your life again. Grab that bar on the merry-go-round and hold on tight. You might feel dizzy at some stages, BUT you have the power - YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY.

Enjoy challenges and look for the life lesson in each. 

AND...

Why not go out this weekend and give something and enjoy that blessed and fulfilled feeling. 

Have a great weekend!

Are you chasing what you really need in life?

I believe many people chase success, just because it seems like “the thing to do.” and everyone is doing it.  The word success sounds good and why wouldn’t you want to be successful? Why wouldn't you want to show off what you have?

Here’s why: Because I believe success has different meaning to different people. Depending on your personal set of values the word success takes on different shapes and sizes. So, if you believe that success is not how much you have but rather how much you give then keep on reading. Those of you that feels your car or status is success, please go and have a coffee for the rest of this post will be boring.

Tagging on my previous post (Givers and Not Takers) I believe there’s more to life than making money or receiving credit for your achievements.

So I'm a product of a broken home and in my teenage days showing off what I really didn't have was who I was. I was kind of building my self-image on the feedback I got from others - biggest mistake! That unconsciously had a big impact on the choices I made and think the direction I took. So to make a long story short, I came to a crossroad and thank God made the right decision. I so to say PAUSED and had a look around where I were and where I would like to go.

What kept me focused on my goal was the approach I took in rather letting other people shine and what I got from it was enormous. I felt energetic, alive and fulfilled. I felt I had a PURPOSE. My purpose or life goal was all about using what I have learnt from my rebellious teenage days and helping other get through that stuck feeling. It's all about feelings isn't it? You can try your best to make decisions without emotions, but I am pretty sure you will fail if your heart weren't part of making that decision in the first place. That feeling of fulfillment is what is driving me.

I think that deep down, you feel this way, too. It’s my belief that within each of us is a longing to make a difference in this world, to do something that matters, something of significance.

Once you get a taste of significance, there is no turning back. Your meaning of success will get energy and you will soon find that everyone is smiling around you. YOU ARE BUSY CHANGING THE WORLD MY FRIEND! 

It’s my goal in life to add value to people. It’s all about significance! I truly believe in changing lives of those around me.

I want to journey personally with you towards a life of significance. Please visit my website at www.karmic.co.za and sign up for my newsletter and become part of a life changing community. 

You are also welcome to send me an email to info@karmic.co.za of a life changing experience you've had and if the content is relevant and inspirational I will be happy to share your story on my blog.

I am looking forward to taking this journey of significance together, and I can’t wait to hear your story of making a difference in our world!